I seem to be out of step with the world again. I have offended, pissed off and just generally not been following the world’s plan for me for the last couple of days. Relatives, friends, even my dogs have just gotten discussed with me. It seems I am just out of step with the idea they all have of what my behavior, my words and my total being should be.
How do I tell them, gently and with love, that the plan I follow isn’t there’s? The master plan is from the Master himself. I only know to follow Him, not to be able to explain with charts and grafts and nice 8 x 10 glossy’s what it looks likes from start to finish.
I seem to have to explain myself quite a bit to the rest of the world; well at least it seems to be a requirement to them anyway. I don’t have an explanation for every little thing that is me. I can give reasons sometimes. I can even give background on somethings, but not a detailed explanation of me. I’m not really sure anyone can truly do that. We are all a work in progress. As the saying goes “God is not finished with me yet” so how can I tell the world what I am to be at the finish?
I do know these things about me: I love deeply and completely and in loving I will not stand for someone hurting the people I love. I will speak out, I will say what needs to be said about their hurtful and unloving words and actions. It isn’t being judgmental it is standing with those I love. I am loyal to the very end.
I am intelligent, sometimes I get a bit thick in the head, but I am not stupid! I am able to take care of myself, to run my house, to be a upstanding citizen in my country.
I am independent, sometimes that gets in the way of people, but that is part of my being. I have heard it said about me that I am independent to a fault. Probably true in some ways. It has caused some very deep hurts in my life when others would rather me be dependent on them for their own egos.
I am the person who would, and have more that once, stop the car in the middle of a rainstorm to rescue a dog. I am the one who will cry at the commercials or emails or Facebook posts because they touch my heart. I love movies about love winning in the end. I love museums, classical music, great old rock and roll and beauty in the world around me. I will sit in a garden for hours, at least until the world presses on me to get up and do something.
Walks on beach restore my soul and get me back to center. The beauty of the natural world is the balm for my soul when hurts and worries and pain overwhelm me. When I need to make a life decision it is to nature I turn to rest and think and take the moment out to see things clearly.
When the decision is made, I put my hand to the plow and move forward. All those who second guess me and try to change my decision find me an unmovable rock. I have been told I am stubborn, again to a fault, and yes I can be. As my cousin says “to cut off your nose to spite your face”. Oh yea! That is a family trait! But I must say here that stubbornness has seen me through things would crush someone else. That determinedness of not giving up has got me where I am today.
So, to all those I have offended and hurt and pissed off this last week: I am truly sorry to have wounded you. I will still be me as you will be you. It is as it should be in this glorious world God gave us. We are all different, we need to be ourselves to truly fulfill the commission we have received to live our lives to the fullest.