I seem to have reached an impass with the man in my life. That is this: he wants to have a part-time girlfriend, someone he can come and see, live with for a while, then return to Michigan and pick up his “real” life all over again. It was a bit of a real surprise to me, this putting into a text what he thinks would be great. Why, you say? Because I had already stated, quite clearly I thought, what I wanted in our relationship. There was no doubt that part-time was not in the statement from me about us.
I’m wondering though if this isn’t just a male outlook on life that they all think would be just super. I had a male friend of mine say once that most men could have been living on the beach, fishing, living in a grass shake and drinking beer for the whole of their lives. He could be much more right than even he knows. The easy way out maybe? The best of both worlds maybe? Not actually committing to any one person, probably. A life lived in the land of the lost that has become normal and oh so very comfortable, definately.
For someone who purported to love me I am a bit surprised that he would think I would agree to that. He might have liked being with me, for what ever his reasons which I may never know. He certainly didn’t really know me, not like he pretended to anyway.
Some people, it seems, are true drifters. In that I mean not so much from physical place to place, but from people to people. Never quite defining or even understanding themselves in order to be able to understand anyone else. For understanding brings a clear view of them and the other. Some sage philospher said “an unexamed life is not worth living”. How very true. If you don’t know yourself how can you relate to another human being?
He is a person who wants no ties, no heartstrings to bind him to any one or any thing. He likes living where he is, in another womans’s house, with his garage full of his “stuff”, his shirttail friends he can drift in and out of their lives easily, his state that he has a love-hate relationship with but deep down can’t seem to leave and the no ties life he has.
I, on the other hand, like my own house, don’t really want to just gather up ‘stuff”, would rather gather up deep friendhships, don’t like drifiting in any form, love my state with all its weirdnees and “flakes and fruits and nuts” that live here and want ties in my life with people who love me and I love. For love is the motivating factor in my life.
So, he is now free. Free to be in someone else’s house, free to drift and enjoy his lostness. I do think he needs to state his part-time girlfriend idea to the next woman so he won’t have to put up with the “woman scorned” that emerges when he states it two years into the whole affair.
I have learned a lot in this whole thing, about me and about men in general. Clarity is a must it seems, right from the first hello. Good luck to you TJ.